"I'm going," Squall said heavily. "I can't not go."

Zell frowned. "Why the fuck they gotta put Ellone on a space station, anyway?" he said, and reached out an arm to catch Squall's shoulder before he could turn to leave. "No..stay...It's just - I don't get this. What kinda hold's she got on you, that you'll take these kindsa risks for her? You wouldn't even have let me come with you this far if I hadn't had Matron with me."

Squall sat down on the edge of the bed - really the only place to sit - his face expressionless. "It's...not your fight," he said at last. "Only mine."

Zell crossed his arms over his chest. "You let me judge that," he said firmly. "Just...damnit Squall I don't understand. I thought..." he blushed, and turned away. "I thought you wanted me. Not some princess - and she's done good to keep up with us this long but that's what she is."

"I don't know, Zell," Squall whispered - so softly his friend almost missed it. His voice rose a little in volume as he continued. "I haven't changed my mind about you - and I won't, whatever happens. But damnit Zell, I don't know. She's there, too. I can't - I can't choose. But right now...she needs me more. I have to go."

"And if it were me?" Zell asked flatly. "If it were me in the coma? Would you desert Rinoa to go into space for me?"

Gray eyes met blue - unflinching, unblinking. "Yes."

"Shit," Zell swore. "Do you love her, Squall? Is that it?"

Squall looked away then, and appeared to be mightily interested in the tiles of the palace floor. "I don't know. I thought I would...but I don't know. It's not like you. None of this is like you, not how it feels or what it does...and damnit I just don't know. And if...if I let her die...if I let her stay this way...I'll never know."

Which might be the closest Squall would come to admitting that he did love Zell, the blond realized. Because with him, Squall did know. Zell blew out a long breath, and sat beside Squall on the bed. "I won't make you choose, you know," he said. "I told you that when you first noticed her. If you're okay with it, and she's okay with it, it could be all three of us. She's not bad, kinda nice really - just in way over her head."

Squall snorted quietly. "I have no idea how much she knows," he said. "But I won't leave you for her - I can promise that, at least. I just...have to make sure she's all right."

Zell sighed. "Fair enough, I guess," he said. "Just...wanted to know where I stand, you know?"

Very, very quietly, Squall said, "Wherever you like."

It took Zell several blinks to process the meanings of that short sentence. When he did, he leaned in close. "You mean that?" he asked.

Squall raised his head, met Zell's gaze. "I'm going into space," he said flatly. "There's a million fucking things that could go wrong. I thought maybe - if you wanted..."

Zell brushed his fingers under Squall's chin, caught hesitant lips in a kiss. "Yes," he breathed. "Hell yes."

And that was all the encouragement Squall needed. He leaned into the kiss, put his arms around Zell's neck to hold him closer, kiss harder. To Zell he tasted like rain, cool and clean and somehow wild.

He pushed Zell back against the bed, not breaking the kiss at all as his hands pushed at Zell's jacket. Long...too long waiting. Too long wanting. Years of dreams and hopes and now was the time. Zell held himself unsupported at an impossible angle long enough to get the jacket off, and let himself fall on the bed - his own hands pushing Squall's leather jacket off his shoulders. It slid off without trouble, and Squall let it fall to the floor. Shortly thereafter the doubled belts followed.

Once over Zell, though, he seemed a little at a loss - too many options, but the hunger was there. Zell breathed lightly against Squall's neck. "First time?"

Words startled him; he flinched back, panting lightly. His eyes didn't leave Zell once.

"I'm not going anywhere," said Zell, low in his throat, almost a purr as he leaned in to kiss down Squall's neck. "Let me do what I want...until you know what you want..."

Squall's breath caught, and his gloved hands found their way up under Zell's shirt, pulling it off, stroking lightly at the nipples. Zell responded by pulling Squall's shirt off in turn, kissing Squall's nipples erect, nipping lightly with his lips. Coming back up for a kiss his fingers worked at the buttons of Squall's pants, freeing him until the hard and heavy weight of his hunger was bare to Zell's palm, and Squall made a small gasp as Zell stroked, hard and firm.

It raised his own desire; Squall's fingers tugged at the strings of Zell's shorts, pulling them loose, pulling them down. Soft leather gloves encased him, pressure for pressure, stroke for stroke, and Zell moaned against Squall's lips. Quickly he kissed down Squall's chest and stomach - causing the other to arch into his touch, and took Squall into his mouth, teasing with his tongue and lips until Squall's now bare hands found their way into his hair, holding him firmly. While he was there he took the time to finish getting Squall out of his pants - tricky to do while not releasing Squall from his mouth, but he managed it.

"Zell..." Squall whispered huskily, and Zell knew it was time to stop. He drew away, pulling a displeased noise out of Squall, and rummaged quickly in his bag for the right tube.

Which he then handed to Squall. "However you want," he breathed.

Squall responded by putting some on his fingers and rolling Zell beneath him, kissing hungrily, fiercely as he pressed the slicked fingers against him., stroking until he pulled a shiver out of Zell. And then, knowing what to do, did it again. And again, kissing deeply, until Zell's whisper of Squall's name against his lips was as heavy with hunger as Squall's own whisper had been before.

And then his fingers withdrew and he slid into Zell. Slowly at first, finding a rhythm, and then faster, drawing breathy moans out of his lover that only drove him harder, wilder, until the thunder broke over them both and Zell's full throated cry drowned out the answering moan from Squall.

When Zell felt like he might possibly be up to moving he ran his fingers lightly over Squall's shoulder. "You have...anywhere to be?" he asked hesitantly.

Squall nuzzled against Zell's neck, nipping lightly with his lips, and gave no sign of wanting to give up his position. "Tomorrow's soon enough," he replied softly, pulling back just enough to run fingers through Zell's release, teasing. "Tonight...if you want...I could stay."

"Yes," growled Zell. "Hell yes."